My patience is fleeting.
I tried to be a patient, laid back parent with my son tonight, but the more I see how much he has managed to approach his project for school with laziness and without any care whatsoever I am done with it. I am so done. I can’t even write about this anymore because it just keeps making me angry.
I am at day 9 and I want rest. I want to stay in my bed all day and cover my head and do nothing – no thinking, no hearing, no distractions, no one to bother me. I just want to be… under my covers and in my cocoon of nothingness. I’m done.
I can’t get rest. I can’t get peace and quiet other than the hour I rush home from lunch and make my juice. I am craving the quiet and the calmness of the level my body is running at right now, but my life doesn’t allow that to happen and it is starting to piss me off.
As for today I am still on the border of being done with juices. For breakfast I made a favorite juice of mine from before all this that called for beets as the base. I used some golden beets that I had bought instead of red beets that I normally use in the recipe. It was ok and I drank most of the 2 cups of juice.
Breakfast Juice: Celery, Cucumber, beets, ginger, apple
Lunch Juice: I did the Raw V-8 recipe again that I did on Day 8 but I halved the ingredients so it didn’t yield as much juice. I only drank about one cup of the 3 cups it yielded – wasted juice and I felt horrible about it.
Fruit Juice: Orange and Apple. I really wanted that sweet taste back that I missed so much from my hand squeezed orange juice of the past. I juiced about 8 oranges in a citrus juicer and 8 apples. I mixed the juice so in my cup it was 1/2 orange, 1/2 apple and again with the tangy taste and not so much sweet. What is going on with my taste buds?
I am seriously craving something sweet – just that sweet taste – not necessarily a bad sweet food, but just a nice sweet piece of fruit. I hope it isn’t lost forever. I am also seriously craving pizza, or a Lakeview Harbor Steak Burger. And then I will start stressing about if I am ever going to allow myself that type of food again. How will I be able to do our annual mardi gras feast at Lakeview Harbor and not eat the Steak burger and heaping loaded mashed potato? Next thing I know I’m biting my nails and all wigged out about not getting to eat it ever again.
Why do I want it? Because it tastes soooooooooooo good. One of the best burgers I have ever had and that is why I always plan on going to eat there before the Endymion parade. Am I not going to drink too? Drink alcohol that is?? I know I can live without it, but I like to have a drink every now and again to help step back from my life and enjoy the good times. Am I going to give that up too?
Why do I stress out over not being able to eat these foods or drink again in the future? I know they are not good for me at all, but there is still that wanting. It’s crazy? !? I don’t get it.
Today my juice fast group video was about breaking the fast. This is something I didn’t really want to think of until the morning of the 11th day. I didn’t want to be thinking about what I am going to eat and when for the next 48 hours because it makes it so much harder to cope. The rule of thumb is that I wake up on the 11th day and have a breakfast juice – great, more juice – and then for lunch I can eat as much of one type of high water fruit as possible. Watermelon. I want watermelon. I want lots of watermelon. I want to eat so much watermelon that I feel sick and burp watermelon flavor. And of course I can also have a green juice for lunch. Then for dinner I can have a big, huge, enormous, beautiful salad. I am going to be dreaming about this salad for the next day and a half. It is going to have romaine, and broccoli, and cauliflower, and carrots, and radishes, and onion… ooooooo onion, and big chunks of green bell pepper, and God help me… salt and pepper! I am almost in ecstasy just thinking about it. I will have to photo it and post it on my blog. Then I will find a salad dressing that I can make from raw fruits and veggies and slather it – bathe it – coat my salad with it. Then I am going to sit and be in complete euphoria as I savor every single bite and chew.
Aaaaaahhhhhhh. I have to stop that.
I really want to have my favorite juices tomorrow so that I get over these issues I am having with juice right now. I will have to think about that before I go to sleep tonight. I am exhausted and don’t have time to make a video journal tonight. I will make one as a closing for my 10 day juice fast tomorrow.
Until then….
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