Eat Pray Love

I also wanted to blog about watching “Eat Pray Love” this weekend.  I thought it was freaking awesome.  There was a lot of lines from the movie that hit home with me.  Then when I researched the lines to put them down in my blog correctly I found even more lines from the book that weren’t even in the movie.  I am going to have to read that book one day.  One of the parts that hit home with me was when Richard and her were sitting at the table having a “thumbs up” and he tells her that if she let go of all the… I don’t know it word for word.. basically all the time she spent obsessing on her guy or her failed marriage - if she let go of it, it would open up a doorway, a vacuum into her soul.  And he asked her if she knew what the universe would do with that doorway?  Then he plunged towards her head with his hands to make the point that it would just rush in.  It would show her so much love… more love than she could ever imagine and that he thought she was capable of loving the whole world.  I thought it was just beautiful.  And she said she missed him (her ex-guy).  And he said so what!  Miss him - send him light and love every time you think of him - and then drop it. 

WOAH THERE’S A CONCEPT.  LET IT HAPPEN AND THEN JUST DROP IT.

We can’t let these things consume us.  It’s basically what i am letting life do to me right now.  It’s killing me.  People can’t live like that.  It’s so not right and you can feel it in your bones.

I am going to post some of the quotes that I really enjoyed in the future.

Goals, revisited.

Lately 11 Pm is the regular time I’ve been falling asleep – or later.  I haven’t been working out, which is getting to me because I feel like I’m not hitting my goals and I’m pretty sure I have gained back the seven pounds I lost.  Right now I just feel like I need a big ole break.

Another one of my goals is to plan a weekend with TomTom.  We have a long weekend coming up, which is Easter, and I would like to go out of town with just me and him.  I was thinking about going to Orange Beach but the prices are getting higher and higher and I am trying to get my mom to book her time share which is a big discount on the price.  Then I talk to her and when she has something important to say she demands my attention and I have to listen, but when I have my turn to talk she starts with the “uh huhs”  and “okays'” before I even finish a sentence because she is ready to hang up the phone.  It is just frustrating and on top of the week I had, honestly, I’m tired… I’m past that point – I’m exhausted… and I’m emotional.

I had recently set some goals for myself based on sparkpeople.com’s book, “The Spark”.  I have them written down to share, broken up into short term, medium goals, long term goals.  I’m trying to do the many things associated with that - I bought planner pages to keep up with everything to help with meal planning, exercise and logging who, what, when, and where.  It is a start even though I haven’t logged in my meals or exercise in about a week and a half.  It’s just so much right now, and I know it’s not going to last forever, but I do need some sort of mantra to get me through the rough times.  I need something to say like I did when I was on TomTom’s bed Tuesday night waiting for him to actually wash his face.  This type of thing is another part of these goals.  It is to be used when I get overwhelmed and I can just say it to myself to remember what is actually important.  One of the things that came to my mind immediately when I had the moment was… I can do this!  My back might be hurting from shoveling mud all weekend (Thanks Dad!)  I might be physically exhausted with five more things waiting for my attention before I am done with this, but I can do this.  I can be here in this moment and I can get the next thing done that I need to get done.  I can do it without getting upset at the little obstacles that want to show themselves along the way.  I can do it without the emotion if I just let go, if I just let go and I float in the moment.  I have to let it be... let it go… let it be and let it go. 

Or something along those lines.  It’s a start at least.  

Do you know?

Do you know what it is to fight for something?  To constantly remind someone that you are fighting for something in particular and they are choosing not to hear you.  You keep saying the same thing but the lack of care from the person you are telling it to does not allow it to register in their time zone.  Then when it is said and done you have accomplished your mission.  You have protected the one thing you were fighting for and all is well. 

That person will never know that you fought for them.  They will never know the repeated times you brought up the fight, and you defended it, and you have justified it to others that want to ignore it.  They will even reward others or show gratitude to others who had nothing to do with your fight or expressed any concern regarding the situation. 

It is at that point you realize how little of the truth is out there.  You realize how little of your effort and energy is not even recognized by the very subjects you are fighting for in that instance.  They just don’t get it.  That’s the saddest part of it all.  They think they know so much, but they have no idea… whatsoever… not even the slightest inkling of a notion. 

And then life goes on and the whole incident is completely forgotten, buried underneath the next pile of bullshit in your life.  And the bullshit is great compost for flowers.  I should know… I have about ten bags of compost and manure right outside my back door to put in my flower beds. 

PMS VS. THE FLAMINGO

I think my time of the month may be coming very shortly because these are the thoughts I have running through my head right now.  If you were here with me now overhearing all of this you would understand why...

I have got my own problems, my own bullshit.  I don’t need to sit there and console you with yours.  I need to take care of my own issues.   

And then it starts….blah, blah, blah… anything you can do I can do better…. blah, blah, blah…… I can one up you on anything and everything….. blah, blah, blah…. ooo… do I hear someone else talking????  I don’t give a crap, blah, blah, blah……

SHUT THE F()(% UP!  CAN YOU JUST BE F()(%ING STILL AND F()(%ING SILENT???? DO YOU HAVE ANY F()(%ING CONSIDERATION FOR THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT THE MOTHER F()(%ING F()(% UP!

Overwhelmed….and whiney…

Let me say that I wrote this blog last night in a very bad mood.  I am feeling much better tonight despite the fact that I revised the below entry and my computer did not save it.  After even more huffing and puffing I am giving you the following with this prelude….

I know I have my own personality issues.  My particular things that aggravate the hell out of some people, but unfortunately they are not the ones writing this blog.

Today was a day from hell.  Everything I touched turned to absolute, positive crap.  It started with all the work I did… AGAIN…. calling people in, giving them a chance of hope, and then being told every day since then that we will have to send them home with no explanation as to why and no answers to any of my questions.  I’ve been fighting for these guys.  OH they have a job, they have a job… WAIT… noooooooo, they don’t have a job.  Get a crew, GET A CREW NOW… WAIT….. we need to stand down that crew and send them back home.  It’s absolutely ridiculous and seriously wearing me down mentally.

I’ve been trying to make time to write my blog, but I haven’t even been successful with that.  Right now my life has been slowly looming out of control.  Tomtom has baseball on Wednesday for an hour, and Friday for two hours starting at six.  This Thursday we have a religion meeting at 630 PM.  Today, Tuesday, is the only day we have nothing to do after school.  With that being said, I had to come home and weed eat because I want to cut the grass soon, but I have no idea when I am going to do that – but at least the weeding/edging is done so I just have to run the mower along the lawn… not to mention putting the lawn fertilizer down.  I also had to fix my garden because when it rained the other day all the mud basically slid to the front of that pond and dumped right out, cracking the mud, burying the plants, so that’s a disaster. I added some compost to the top of that, but I don’t know how the plants are going to take to everything that happened.  The lettuce garden is doing absolutely fine and I am beginning to think I should have just done both gardens that way.  But that’s another matter and I can’t worry about it right now.  I just have to see how it goes and make do with what I have.  It is also another blog that I will have to post in the future about my garden episodes this weekend. 

After that I came in and fixed dinner, did the dishes that have been piling up in the sink, took dishes out of the dishwasher, had TomTom help me with the laundry - which he was very good about that - and we ate our dinner together.  Then I got up and started vacuuming the front room and the HEPA filters because those lights were on.  Then he took his shower and I met him down the hallway in his room.  I went to tuck him in and he hadn’t washed his face.  He’s not listening, he’s not doing the things I ask of him and I have a very short fuse right now.  He’s got his moments when he is his shining wonderful self.  Then he has the moments where he just wastes my time because I have to ask him repeatedly to do things.  I need to make a chore and award chart so he knows exactly what he needs to do and he can mark it off when it is done.  He seems to like that, but then again that is time consuming and I am going to need to find some time to get that chart made up. 

So there I am in TomTom’s room and I figured out that he hadn’t washed his face, but he had told me he had everything done.  I screamed at him because he went and washed his face, came back five seconds later and absolutely nothing was wet on the child and he said he washed his face.   I angrily told him to go do it again, and then I screamed at the top of my lungs “Hurry UP!”  because he was dilly dallying in the hallway with the cats.  I sat on the bed and I said to myself…. I need patience, and I need to get rid of the anger that i have in me right now.  I’m so angry, so many reasons why, a lot of it is work and the way they treat people.  What am I saying?  It’s the way they treat everybody.  You're important in the moment that they need you and then beyond that, nothing.

Finally Tomtom came back in the room, with a clean washed face, and I got him tucked in and off to bed.  I then moved on to vacuum the cat room, then made fabric refresher to spray it on the furniture, and then I went back and mopped the living room.  I hope that tomorrow I will be able to come home after baseball practice and vacuum and mop the kitchen area because that hasn’t been done in forever and after dealing with the mud all weekend long (the future garden blog will explain more) it’s been tracked into one end of the house and out of the other. 

It is now about 1015pM and I am folding all the laundry because I hadn’t had time to deal with it.  I had just been moving loads and dumping the clean ones onto my bed. I can’t go to bed until I move that, and at the same time I was supposed to make my blog tonight.  I have so many things I have done that I want to write about but I haven’t had the time.  I even have the pictures, I just need the time.  All I can do is start with this blog and then as I get the time back track and get the previous blogs written and posted. 

Blah, blah de-mother-freaking blah, blah!

New Haircuts

Summertime…. and the livin’s easy…..
And you have to get a haircut to match.  I’m thinking camping…. I’m thinking tubing…. I’m thinking swimming… and you have to have wash and go hair, right?  Well, we went for it.  Here is the debut of TomTom & Mom’s summer hair 2011….

And here is his close up, Mr. Deville….

I’ve gotten into a bad habit of cutting his hair myself, but it’s kind of fun.  A bit of an art project if you will… we haven’t had any hard core mistakes yet, but I’ve been pretty much able to fix any OOPS so far.  And his hair grows like a weed, like the rest of him!

Another week in the life of… Sarah

This week has been another blah, blah, blah.  I got my new lap top, that I am typing on to you now!!!! Very exciting, I know! I also got a new ipod touch that has completely rocked my world.  What a different life of technology there is out there, who knew???? 
I couldn’t decide on what type of laptop to get, there are so many of them out there!!!!  My old Dell finally bit the dust, it was about ten years old, and I didn’t want a Mac desktop yet because I figured I would wait for that expense when TomTom starts school.  So there I was in the midst of a million laptops, tablets, and a zillion other things with no idea what to do…
I don’t know if it was a good idea, but I started out with Cnet and made a list of things I wanted to get in the future.  This list ended up being the laptop, a new Ipod, and a camera device that saves to a hard drive instead of the regular old camcorder I have that I have to burn to a dvd via my tv.  Then I searched around Cnet to see what was out there.  I also have a friend at work with the new Ipad, but I knew I needed a computer for the house and that wasn’t the route I needed to go at this point.
They had a dell laptop, that converted into a tablet that was really cool and got some good reviews. However, after pricing it at Dell and adding Microsoft office I was up in the $900 dollar range.  CRAZY!  I could just go for the Mac and I wasn’t ready for that big of an expense right now.  However, I did decide to go with the new Ipod touch because it was on sale at Best Buy and seemed to offer everything the Ipad offered, minus the 3G, only smaller.  Cnet also told me not to buy any tablets right now if I could hold off because so many of them will be entering the market in the next year that they will only get better.  Mini tablet and music holder to boot, it was on sale… PURCHASE! 
Then after hours of exhaustive research I found a laptop, that got good reviews for a “budget” laptop, it has a back lit keyboard, web cam, and microsoft office included – all for under $500 bucks…. PURCHASE! 
I also got a special offer for a $60 savings on a printer, went with the wireless that I can email from my mobile devices, and got that baby for less that $40 bucks!   PURCHASE! 
All in all, after a few hours of study time I managed to get three awesome items for less that that one Dell!  And I decided to hold off on the camcorder device because I got a camera and video camera in my Ipod touch that will be easy to take anywheres!!!!!!! I’ve already used it to upload videos of TomTom to facebook. 
One cool thing about my laptop is that the mouse pad acts as a touch pad, however I haven’t mastered it yet and hope my niece can help me out with it this weekend.  However, I LOVE it!  And the printer… LOVE IT!!! And the Ipod… SUPER LOVE IT!!!! And now I can type on my blog directly from my computer with Windows Live – I didn’t even know these things existed, but I am loving it.
I thought it was great that TomTom was like… you got an Ipod touch?  And I didn’t even know what it was called.  Have I really turned into that old person?  Why yes, I think I have, and my touch sensitive mouse pad is here to prove it, Biotch!

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Update!!!!  In the short time of reading this blog on my site, I figured out the mouse pad... HA!  Practice makes purrrfect you old fart!  I also needed to mention for humble-sake that I paid off my car finally!  No, not early, just finally hit that last payment - so I was able to spend a little bit on this laptop that I had been planning on buying for months now when my old one crapped out on me.  I'm not one to throw around large amounts of money (and for me this was large) so I had to be sure to get the best deal I could possibly manage!