Last Wednesday at baseball practice TomTom had a scrimmage with another team to practice for his first game later that weekend. When we showed up at our normal practice time of 7 pm the players were already on the field and he joined in the action. I sat on the bleachers prepared to read up on some gardening while watching practice.
TomTom went up to bat and struck out. He wasn’t planting his feet and was barely swinging his bat. He went out to play his position in outfield and when he made it back to the dug out I put down my books to go give him some reminder tips on batting. He was lined up to bat with his helmet on and bat in hand. I called out to him and gave him some quick pointers, but he wasn’t acknowledging me. I called to him again and got little to no response. I was no more than the wind blowing in his ears. I told him to come over to me and he resisted as I reached out to him to get him close enough to make eye contact with me. I was reminding him to plant his feet and swing hard. Simple words delivered in a simple method. He began pulling away from me and went straight into a temper tantrum about how he lost his place in line to bat. The coach was no more than six feet away from us and had not called TomTom’s name to go wait for his turn to bat. I told him all he had to do was get back in line. Then he started crying and went into full anger mode getting very loud about how I made him miss his turn to bat. It was a bit ridiculous and his anger was looming out of control.
He had caused such a scene with the other parents around us as I was telling him to get back in line to bat. He continued to insist he missed his turn, which was clearly not the actual situation, and would not get back into line. I told him at that point to go sit at the tables across from the dug out until he got his temper under control. He stomped off in extreme anger with what sounded like “God….!” and cursing me under his breath. He also said he wished he could stab me. Well, that was enough fun for me.
I followed him back to the tables and he threw his bat on the ground. I told him to pick up his bat and place it down next to him at the table. He picked up the bat and threw it on the ground under the table. I told him to pick it up again and sit down and calm himself down. He sat with his head in his hands, crying, temper tantrum to the max, fussing about how I made him miss his turn to bat. This scene took about maybe ten minutes. Whatever happened with the game behind us I was not sure of, but I know that it ended and the kids started packing up their stuff. I went back to the dug out and gathered up his baseball equipment and stood by the fence to listen to what the team was doing.
The coach called the team back out onto the field for one last pep talk and called out “Thomas??? Is Thomas still here?” I went back to the tables and told TomTom his coach was calling for him. He rudely said “What does he want?” I told him he was a part of the team and his coach was looking for his participation. TomTom said he wasn’t going out on the field. I told him if this is what baseball practice was going to be that we wouldn’t return in the future and that he would be punished when we got home. TomTom responded with “How does this effect me?”
The very thin piece of straw that had been holding me together through our busy schedule the last three weeks had finally snapped. I walked back over to the fence to get the last announcements the Coach was giving the team. When the team was dismissed I walked over to the tables and told TomTom to get a move on to the car… NOW!
He strolled along as if nothing was wrong and got into the back seat to get buckled in his seatbelt. I was loading his baseball gear into the back of the car and when I shut the car door I was approached by another team mom. She is a very sweet woman and I have chatted with her a bit at previous practice nights. She offered me any help I might need to get to practice on time by picking TomTom up or whatever I might need help with and told me she does the same with another mom on the team. I was so angry with TomTom at this point. When I get angry, for whatever the case is, I cry. I hate it, but I cry. My eyes were already watery from the temper tantrum and I had held it together to the car. After her offer I was so overwhelmed with emotion that the water works started to flow. I told her that was so sweet and I really appreciated it, but we would be ok for now making the practices. I also explained that we had just had a rough couple of weeks and apologized for my water works. She saw that I was starting to cry and gave a polite “Awwwwwwww.” Her sympathy because I was crying made me angry too because I hate when people see my moments of weakness and I thanked her again and got into the car.
On the drive home I was trying to regain my sanity to not hurt the small child in the back seat of my car. I realized he was flipping through a magazine with all the attitude in the world. I reached back and snatched the magazine out of his hands and threw it into the front seat. I looked at him in my rear view mirror and like a demonic-psycho-crazy-bitch-of-a-mom explained a few things to him.
1) That if he thought his seven year old antics and temper tantrums embarrassed me and made me feel inferior that he had absolutely no idea the experiences I have been through in this lifetime.
2) That if he had any idea what hell was before, he was going to know what hell was by the time I was done with him.
3) He was as of this moment punished from anything and everything and would have no privileges from this moment on.
4) He would be only reporting to school, home, and mandatory team functions during his punishment.
And I think there was some other screaming in there, but I must have blanked out because all I remember was anger and crazy screaming at him in the car.
We made it back to the house and I told him to get everything of his out of the back seat of the car because it was my car and I let him ride in it. Then he was to go inside the house and get into the bath and then get into bed.
While he was getting his things out of the car I went and grabbed several garbage bags from under the sink. I then went back to his room and started packing up every toy, electronic device, and things that looked fun and put them in the garbage bags. He walked in his room and saw me literally emptying his drawers into the garbage bags. He asked me what I was doing and I told him that all these things were privileges and no longer belonged to him. I then went into the front of the house and packed up all the video games and controllers into garbage bags. I left him with pens, pencils, paper and books.
While he was in the bath tub I created a check list system and a set of rules as to how his life was going to be changed from now on. I wasn’t finished with my creation when I tucked him into bed, but I know for the first time since I have had him it was hard to lean down and kiss him good night. I told him that he had hurt me body and soul that night and even though I loved him it was hard for me to be kind to him at this moment. It took all I had to give him a kiss and exit the room turning the lights out.
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